Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
