the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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