Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
