hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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