and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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