I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
