Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
