dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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