That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
