bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
