help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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