He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
