i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
