Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
