wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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