Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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