I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
