i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
