so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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