If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
