you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
