I wish i was in the wii world.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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