I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hippo gnu deer
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.