Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️