This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i think i just lost a toe
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
