I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating