I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.