Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
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I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
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If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!