What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.