Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
