kristin has been a bad kristin
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
