Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
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We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
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The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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