If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
