I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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