I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
