Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
