He is such a slut. More and more my type.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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