i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize