And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
