he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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