I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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