Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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