let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
