we have pet lesbian snakes
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
