why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
