my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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