cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I would fuck him just for his dog
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
