Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
