im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
