i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
