It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sext me about skeletons
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
