He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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