Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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