My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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