there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize