I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
