just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
