When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize