I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
