So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
