Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
