i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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