HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
