i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
