Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
