If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
