left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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