9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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