If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize