R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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