He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
