but the lizard people decide everything anyway
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
